


Better Before (Also After)

by TiredMage909



Category: The Walking Dead (TV)
Genre: Alpha being Alpha, Banter, Canon-Typical Violence, Daryl Dixon Being Daryl Dixon, Deaf Character, Eventual Smut, F/M, I don't liking calling her Disabled?, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Child Abuse, Pre-Relationship, Romance, We just gotta get there first, canon-typical situations
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-08-22
Updated: 2019-11-25
Packaged: 2020-09-24 01:50:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,569
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20350390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TiredMage909/pseuds/TiredMage909
Summary: He should have known it was her. Too slow, or just too tired to care, he wasn’t sure which it was; either way, the gasp she let out when she saw his back was the same one he heard every time someone new took in the thick, ropey scars littering his skin. He moved on instinct then, sinking down on to his couch while reaching for the shirt he’d discarded there, readying to pull it on to keep her from having to see any more of the horrors he’d endured at the hands of his own father. But she had moved too, and that’s when everything changed.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I'm back! 
> 
> I started this a while ago, and in the midst of some spectacular writers block, I've decided to post the first segment of the story to hopefully help get the creative juices flowing! This is probably going to be pretty long - I know where I want to go with it, I just need to get there. So please, if you read this and have any questions or thoughts, don't hesitate to comment. I know people say that comments and likes are a (fanfic) authors life-blood, but it's totally true, I promise. 
> 
> I'm also looking to add some art to this fic. I know what I'd like for the first peice, and since my reaching out to the peeps on Tumblr turned up a big fat zero, I'm hoping someone here might want to draw something for me? I don't have many contacts yet, so I'm resorting to this. If you or someone you know is an artist and wants to help bring these two amazing characters to life, please drop me a line! I promise to lovingly slobber all over you and your art (i.e, you'll get the credit once I post it). Message me, or if you'd rather see the original request, I'm weretheremonkeys on Tumblr. 
> 
> Now for actual fic related notes. First, the bolded, italicized text is what Connie writes in her notebook. All other dialog is written as usual. Second, the lines of stars represent page breaks. They'll be posted by chapter, but I wanted the chpaters to be longer, so there's probably going to be at least one break in each. Lastly, I started writing this before some of the below happened on the show, so it does go off Canon. You can assume that it's Canon up until it's obviously not.

Daryl snorted as he looked at himself in the bathroom mirror, his gray hairs and the dark circles under his eyes telling him that he was too old for this shit. Michonne had nearly blown a gasket when he had shown up at the gate with the girl, and he knew that it was only due to Aaron’s calming nature that they were allowed in at all. It was a mess after that; Daryl watched as Aaron patched up Henry’s leg, who’s eyes were pinched in pain even as he and Michonne shouted at each other, back and forth about safety and responsibility. She was resolutely ignoring both Connie and Lydia, who was sitting next to Henry looking like she wanted to sink into the floor, and Daryl managed an hour of listening in on the shouting match before pushing himself to his feet and stalking out.

That’s how he found himself here – leaning against the counter in the bathroom of the house he used to call his, all the while wondering how the hell he let this happen. He shook his head at himself in the mirror, both knowing and yet wishing he didn’t know exactly why he did what he did. He remembered the smile Connie sent his way after telling the group that they’d be sticking together, and he snorted again at his own foolishness. He’d been aware of it for a while, his feelings about this newcomer and the way she managed to get under his skin, and he hated himself for the fact that he both hated and loved this new development.

He wandered out of the bathroom eventually, going back down the stairs to see what might be left in his kitchen cabinets. It was obvious that no one had been in the house since he left – he had never bothered to make his bed and most surfaces were scattered with greasy shop towels and bits of arrows. He slouched his way past it all and into the kitchen, where he stood for a moment, opening cabinet doors and drawers, but not really seeing anything. He was still caught in his own stupid head, thoughts swirling, and later he realizes that it was probably a good thing – if he had heard her come in, he would have shouted at her, if not done something worse.

Her gasp as she took in the sight of his back was bad enough. He turned his head toward the sound, and even with his eyes downcast, he knew it was her. Connie, dark curls wrapped up in a ponytail at the back of her head, with a hand pressed to her mouth at the sight of 20 years’ worth of abuse. Daryl shook his head again, minutely, and quickly walked over to his couch, where he dropped down heavily and reached for the grimy t-shirt he had stripped off upon coming into the house. He stopped though when he realized that Connie had moved too and was now standing in front of his with her notebook outstretched. He had to squint to see the words.

_ **You** _ _ ** don’t** _ _ ** need** _ _ ** to** _ _ ** hide** _ _ ** them.** _

He finds himself scoffing. He hadn’t looked up since he finished reading, for fear of seeing the pity on Connie’s face, so he was surprised when he felt fingertips under his chin, forcing his head up. She sent him a tight smile before stepping back, and he felt himself fall back against the sofa cushions as she reached for the bottom of her shirt and pulled it off over her head. He didn’t have time to question just what the hell was happening before she turned her back to him, and he saw red.

Her scars were like his but still so different. They were thick and faded like his, but they were mostly lower on her back, like whoever did this to her hadn’t felt the need the stand while they did it. Her shoulders were hunched, and when she turned around, Daryl realized it was a combination of sadness and her furious writing in her notebook; she handed the pad to him with one hand while wiping her tears away with the other.

_ **Mom died a few days after she had Kelly, same complications she had with me. Dad blamed us. ** _

After he read it, Daryl handed the notebook back to Connie. She accepted it but flipped back a few pages and started writing again. She handed it back to him and he saw that she’d amended her first message to him.

_ ** You don’t need to hide them. Not from me. ** _

The underling was her way of making sure she was understood, and Daryl was so caught up that he didn’t realize he was crying until his tears started blurring her writing. He sat back again, bringing his hands up to his face, and was trying to decide how to get away from this situation when once again Connie surprised him. She’d gotten on to her knees between his denim-clad legs and was pulling his hands away from his face; she replaced them with her own and was wiping his tears away with her fingers, just like she had her own. This only caused his emotions to well up even more, and he squeezed his eyes shut.

This was always how he handled emotions, from the time his Daddy started beating him. It was easiest to push it all down and walk away, like he did all those times, parking himself right at the edge and waiting for someone to tell him to get off his ass. For the last few years, that person had always been Carol, but now, with Connie being the one to tell him he didn’t have to hide, it felt different. It felt like something.

*******************************************************

When he opened his eyes again, Daryl realized two things rather quickly. One, he hadn’t fallen asleep like he’d hoped he would, and two, Connie hadn’t moved; she was still on floor in front of his couch, in front of him, but her head was bent forward. Almost without him realizing, Daryl reached forward and gently brushed a hand over the top of her head. He berated himself internally once he realized what he’d done, figuring Connie would be frightened at the unexpected touch, but she just lifted her head and smiled at him gently; she must have seen him move. She flipped to another page in her notebook and held it out to him.

_**You get it all out?** _

He snorted, sending her the dirtiest look he could muster. She just grinned back, reaching out again for her notebook. Daryl handed it back to her and watched as she once again flipped to yet another page.

_ **Can I show you something?** _

Daryl blinked at the message for a moment, before nodding hesitantly. He wasn’t sure what more she could show him, having already bared her past for him to see, but he found himself wanting to share whatever it was with her. She smiled again, and then looked back down at her notebook. She flipped some pages again before settling on whatever she was looking for. Daryl saw her bite her lip, in nervousness he figured, before she drew in a deep breath and handed the notebook to him again.

Daryl sucked in a breath as well once he saw what was on the page. It was him.

Drawn expertly in pen, Daryl sees himself as he would have been just a few minutes ago – head titled back and resting on the back of the sofa, mouth slightly open as he breathed, eyes closed in thought. The expression, though, on the drawings face is what really catches his attention. The lines that typically crease his forehead and pinch around his eyes are gone, as if the last 15 years have been wiped away. He looks peaceful, happy, even in rest, and he knows that he definitely didn’t look like that when he looked in the mirror.

He’s sure his eyes are wide and confused when he looks back to Connie. A small smile had graced her lips and she shook her head in amusement at his clearly bemused expression. She reached out for the notebook again, and Daryl handed it to her without hesitation. She writes something quickly and then holds it up for him to see; the words this time are enough to make his tears begin to spill again.

_ **This is how I see you.** _

He’s trying to blink back his tears when he blearily sees Connie get to her feet. He wipes his eyes with the bottoms of his palms and hopes he doesn’t make a fool out of himself with his next move. He sits up straight, quickly, with is back still up against the cushions, and holds his hands out. This time, her smile nearly blinds him, and he forces himself not to flinch as she settles herself on his lap.

She comes to rest on his thighs, legs outstretched so that her feet are on his other side, and his breath hasn’t slowed since he made up his mind to show her how he felt. She rests a palm on his chest gently, just over his heart, and then reaches for the notebook she left on the seat cushion next to them.

_ **Breathe. ** _

Connie knew just what he needed to hear, he thought, as he reached out gently to brush a stray curl away from her face. She leaned into his hand and he found himself cupping her cheek; that hadn’t been his initial intention, but he couldn’t bring himself to care much.

After a moment, she pulled away and reached for her book again.

_**I’ve had to get used to touching people to get their attention. It does get easier.** _

He’d already found that out for himself over the past few years, but the panic he’d felt at having another person nearly on top of him was going away already, and he found himself nodding. He turned his head toward her and looked her in the eyes as he spoke clearly.

“I’d like to stay here, with ya, but we needa make sure them kids are in one piece.”

She huffed a quiet laugh at his words and nodded. They hadn’t broken eye contact since he started speaking, other than to blink, and he found himself watching raptly as she leaned in slowly and pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. She then moved her hands to his shoulders and levered herself off his lap. He let out of a shaky breath as she held a hand out to him. He grasped it tightly as he stood, and in a spur of the moment decision, Daryl decided not to let go. Connie smiled.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, remember me? Chapter 2 is here! Sorry it's been so long - work got crazy and I haven't had any time to write/post. I appreciate you're patience and I hope you like it! 
> 
> Comments and Kudos are love!

Daryl was sitting at Aaron’s kitchen counter, already halfway through a glass of wine, trying to ignore the headache he could feel building behind his eyes. According to Aaron, Michonne wasn’t willing to budge – she had eventually stormed out, saying that after a night’s rest, Daryl and his group would be escorted to Alexandria’s gate and told in no uncertain terms to get gone. It surprised Daryl more than it should have – they hadn’t planned on staying longer than a few days anyway, but the new time constraint on finding somewhere to go was making him antsy.

He’d been staring at the same stack of old, wrinkled maps since he sat down, and so far, they’d only confirmed that they’d need to go farther out than he was comfortable with; sure, it would give the communities a chance, assuming Alpha would choose to follow her daughter, but Daryl wasn’t stupid enough to think that the Whisperers would be the only threat they’d have to deal with.

A bowl being slid in front of him a few minutes later pulled Daryl out of his thoughts. He looked up to see Connie standing on the other side of the kitchen counter, her own bowl still full and holding the bottle of wine out, silently asking if he wanted a refill. He nodded, and she filled his glass before filling her own. Then she circled around the counter, took a seat on the stool next to Daryl and pulled out her notebook.

_**Any thoughts?** _

He shrugged. “Figur’ we’ll start at the Kingdom,” he said, making sure to enunciate fully so she would understand, “but I ain’t countin’ on bein’ able to stay. If we gotta go, I’m thinkin’ North.”

Connie took a few bites of her meal, looking thoughtful, before reaching for her notebook again. _**I have an idea, but you’re going to think it’s crazy**_.

Daryl raised an eyebrow. “How crazy we talkin’?” he asked.

Connie rolled her eyes and started writing again. _**Earlier, Lydia mentioned that her mother doesn’t move anyone at night unless she has no other choice. I think we should leave tonight, before it gets dark. She flipped to another page. Then, sometime during the night, we split up. Henry and Lydia can make their way to the Kingdom while you and I lure the Whisperers in the other direction. If we can make it seem like Lydia is still with us, they’ll follow**_.

Daryl was sure that his eyebrows were now up to his hairline. There were a thousand different things he could say about her plan, but there was only one thought stuck in his mind. “You ain’t gotta come.”

It was Connie’s turn to look incredulous. She didn’t look down as she wrote in her book, keeping her eyes locked on his.

_ **Where else would I be?** _

He huffed in disbelief; even with their earlier conversation still fresh in his mind, he couldn’t believe this woman. Willing to sacrifice, willing to leave everything behind for him and some kid she didn’t even know. “What about ya sister? Ya friends?” he asked. She sent him a tired smile.

_ **They’ll understand.** _

Daryl leant back in his chair, rubbing his palms against his eyes. He had to admit that, even though she was right, it was crazy, her plan made sense. Henry knew what he was doing out in the woods, and Lydia knew what to look for, so he figured it wasn’t a stretch to assume they’d get to the Kingdom in one piece. He was mostly worried about himself, and now Connie, being able to keep up the charade – if something happened and Alpha caught up to them too soon, they wouldn’t be able to hide the fact that they were alone.

When he looked back at her, Connie was still wearing the same tired smile as before, but she looked determined. He didn’t figure there was any point in arguing, so Daryl simply nodded. Her smile took on a new life, the way she was beaming at him, and he knew she was the only person he’d even consider doing this with.

The front door opening made Daryl jump. He signaled to her to indicate what had happened, and they both turned in time to see a tired-looking Aaron enter the kitchen. He waved a hand, mostly for Connie’s benefit, and then dropped down onto the last remaining kitchen stool.

“That dog of yours tired the kids out,” he said, “he’s sleeping it off on the porch.” Daryl nodded, but didn’t say anything; he wasn’t about to admit that knowing where Dog was made him feel better.

He went back to his dinner after seeing that Connie had let Aaron know to help himself to whatever was left and was thinking about how to bring up their change of plans when Aaron spoke again. “You guys have a plan?” he asked around a mouthful of pasta. It was a good an opening as any.

****************************************************

Twilight was just setting in as Daryl and Connie arrived back at Daryl’s house, Dog trailing behind. The plan, Daryl hoped, would stay as simple as it sounded – in a few hours, Aaron would wake Henry and Lydia, who were currently asleep in his guest bedroom, and get them up to speed. From there, the four of them would leave Alexandria while it was dark and then split up about hallway to The Kingdom; Daryl and Connie would hang around until first light, find a way to trick the Whisperers into thinking Lydia was with them, and then hightail it North. It wasn’t big on fine details, but Daryl had learned over the years that the lesser the amount of details, the less there was to go wrong.

Daryl shrugged off his vest and made to head up to the bedroom when he remembered he wasn’t alone. His house, one of the smallest and nearest the gate, only boasted the one bedroom and he’d be damned if he was going to let Connie take the couch. He turned toward her and waited until he had her attention before speaking.

“Bedroom’s upstairs, straight on, and the bathroom’s to the right across the hall. I’ll take the couch.”

He should have known she would argue; she shook her head fervently, holding her left hand in front of her, while her right hand, held straight up and down, swiped back and forth between the tip of her left pointer finger and thumb. Then she took out her notebook.

**_Share_**.

It took Daryl a moment to realize what she meant, but once he did, he felt his eyes grow wide at the implication; it had been years since he shared a bed with anyone, other than the sharing his family had to do while on the road. Back then, it was 10 or more people all laid out on the bare floor of a barn or an abandoned store, trying to sleep while keeping one eye open. Here, now, behind a locked door and blackout curtains, it would just be the two of them and Daryl wasn’t sure that he could handle it.

As usual, though, Connie seemed to sense his turbulent thoughts. She smiled fondly and reached out for his hand; she tugged gently, and Daryl found himself being led upstairs. She stopped in front of the bedroom door, looking at him for confirmation, before pushing it open. The room was almost exactly as it had been when he first set foot in it – a large bed with a navy-blue comforter and mismatched pillow cases, a throw blanket hanging over the top of the plush chair in the corner, a chest of drawers and a small nightstand with a lamp on top. Connie let go of Daryl’s hand just inside the door and walked over to the closet, which was just a door to a shallow opening in the far wall. She opened it and pulled out a gray t-shirt that Daryl didn’t even know was in there. With it in hand, she walked back over to him. Coming to a stop, she held one of her hands in front of her face, and with a slight tilt of her head, brought her hand down toward her chin while drawing her fingers toward the middle. This time, Daryl knew what she was signing before she wrote down the translation.

_**Sleep**_.

He nodded, and his lips quirked up into a smile. She smiled back and circled around the bed to the side closest to the window. She began to undress, and Daryl was stunned; not only did she somehow know that he’d want to be closest to the door, but she was willing to share this with him. Being close to other people have never been easy for him, but Connie, with her simple smiles and her understanding eyes, seemed to be taking a sledgehammer to the walls he’d spent years building up. He thought it would have scared him more, the idea of being so literally and figuratively bare, but since their talk a few hours ago, Daryl found himself feeling happier than he had in a long time.

He peeled off his jeans and vest, made sure his boots were close enough to slip on if needed, and only hesitated a moment before pulling his shirt over his head and dropping it onto the floor with his other clothes. When he looked up, Connie was already under the covers. She skootched down so that her head was now resting on a pillow, and then patted the space next to her. Daryl smirked and slipped in easily next to her.

Even with his new-found confidence, to say Daryl wasn’t prepared for the immediate cuddling was an understatement. He started when Connie wrapped her arm around his middle, but she proceeded unperturbed, moving to gently rest her head on his shoulder. She looked up at him once she settled, her eyes questioning, but he shook his head. He wanted this, he knew he did, he just had to make his body cooperate with his mind.

After a few minutes of trying to calm his labored breaths, Daryl relaxed enough to realize that he wouldn’t mind sleeping like this with her all the time. The thought was enough to punch the air of his lungs, and Connie lifted her head abruptly to look at him with concern. He shook his head again and leant back so it rested against the pillow; she seemed to take this as a signal that he was alright and laid her head back down as well. Daryl smiled into the dark. 

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: The characters belong to the creators; I'm just playing with them!


End file.
